


I Hope You Dance

by Between_A_Dream



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 17:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Between_A_Dream/pseuds/Between_A_Dream
Summary: As baby Alice leaves Purgatory, everyone is left mourning.





	I Hope You Dance

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic based on the finale with a look at everyone's lives after Alice is sent away. I hope you guys like this one, I know it's sad but I felt like this needed to be written. I'm assuming this takes place between when Doc talks with Wynonna and the final scene of the finale. The song that the finale was based on is heartbreaking and I needed to put it into words. Sorry about the angst :(

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder. You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger. May you never take one single breath for granted. God forbid love ever leave you empty handed. I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance… I hope you dance...I hope you dance._

Doc sits alone in the basement of Shorty's. There's plenty of missed calls on his phone, but he doesn't care to answer them. It's too much of a struggle to figure out how anyways, and he's not in the mood for conversation.

His baby girl is gone. And before this, he never would have thought that anything would be worse than loosing his mother. He'd just been a frightened kid, fighting for his life. But at least, in some way, it helped shape who he was.

Because he's Doc Holliday. Right hand man to the legend Wyatt Earp himself, fastest gunslinger in all the land. And yet, the loss of his daughter leaves that title sour in his mouth. He's hollow, unable to think, unable to comprehend. His mind isn't functioning and he's not sure it ever will again. Certainly not the way it once had.

He's never been the fatherly type. Never one to feel any sense of debt to another human life. Sure, he spent an awful lot of his life in a well, but before that, his life was his own. He was free to make his own choices, without the weight of anyone else depending on him.

But the day Wynonna Earp walks into his life, this changes. Suddenly there's a reason to live, a purpose to keep fighting for. Immortality has never been important, not until he has lives to protect, a family to care about, people to love.

It's probably- No, definitely- What's best for her, he thinks.

Because Alice doesn't deserve this life. A childhood full of fearing for both her own life and the lives of those she will grow to love, or the haunting memories of demons and monsters, not just the ones fabricated in a child's mind.

She doesn't deserve to be stuck in Purgatory. A place you could barely call a town, because it's small enough that it doesn't even show up on some maps, and shows up on others only because of Wyatt's reputation in the area.

She doesn't deserve him. A man who doesn't own the right to call himself a father, because he's been a monster for so long that he doesn't know another alias to go by, and he's not sure even the love of a child can truly ever irradiate the guilt that weighs so heavily upon his heart.

He's sure that Alice will take after Wynonna. Or at least, he hopes. At least then some of her traits will be honorable, and she'll have good inside her. He knows that he's not inherently bad, that his circumstances have forced him into decisions that are less than justifiable. But he can't help but worry regardless.

So he sits alone in the basement, sunk against the wall with his hat in his hands. He wishes her the best in life, prays to a god he doesn't believe in that his daughter will live long and prosperous, away from all the pain and evil. And he begs- He pleads and he cried and he hopes with everything in him that he gets just one thing in life.

That maybe, maybe one day when it's over, he'll look across some room- An old grocery store buying donuts for Wynonna, or a library picking up a book for Waverly. Maybe he'll be in a weapons shop, picking out a new gun for Dolls so he finally has a weapon to call his own. Or maybe he'll be in a pet shop, getting Nicole a new cat toy or some food for Calamity Jane, who he's sure will be around for a long time. He could even be getting Jeremy a thoughtful birthday card, because he's well aware of the younger man's feelings and wants to at least make him feel appreciated.

Wherever he may be, he will look across the room, and see a young woman look back at him, with familiar piercing blue eyes, and naturally wavy brunette hair. They might share some features, but nothing close enough that makes him distinguishable to her as someone other than a stranger. But he'll know. He won't say anything, and he's sure that she'll continue on her way without saying anything to him, because why would she? She won't know. But he will. And all he'll be able to do is smile.

* * *

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance. Never settle for the path of least resistance. Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin'. Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin'. Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter. When you come close to sellin' out reconsider. Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance... I hope you dance._

Dolls isn't religious. He never has been. But when he sees the helicopter flying over his head and he sees Wynonna's face, he swears that if there is a god out there, he must hate the deputy marshals' guts. Which, feel like they've just been punched, tossed in a blender, and poured out into a filth encrusted street made for horses. Though he's never lost anyone like this- He's never been a father and he's never even thought about children- He feels as if he's lost a piece of him.

Maybe that's not just because Alice is gone. Maybe it's because he knows there's a piece of Wynonna that's gone forever too. He feels guilty about the tears that he sheds, though they are only released in the sanctity of the seclusion his apartment offers him. They feel selfish, because what right does he have to mourn this loss? This baby isn't his. She never will be.

She's Wynonna's and Doc's. They are her parents, and they deserve to mourn. Waverly is her aunt, blood relative or not, and she loves Alice almost as much as her parents do. Nicole might be tied with her for second, rightfully so, as it seemed that she was not going anywhere anytime soon and would most definitely be an important person in the baby's life. When they cry, he feels sure they deserve it too.

Even Jeremy has some connection to the unborn child. Dolls can remember overhearing the conversation where Wynonna told him that he was the only doctor she trusted to deliver the baby, even if it wasn't in a hospital. Whether she was serious or not- And whether or not Jeremy was qualified for that position- The compliment had been the only thing he needed to have some sort of connection with the unborn child. His tears go unquestioned, rightfully so.

But Dolls? He is not connected to the baby. He is not the parent. He's not the uncle. He's not the trusted doctor. He's the man who has fallen hard for the baby's mother, who may or may not still have romantic feelings for Doc, and may not even have feelings for him at all.

He knows a baby together doesn't mean a relationship- At least not romantically. He's seen it first hand. His parents had split before he turned five, and he'd seen them over the years as they moved to other partners and marriages. But he feels sure that if Alice had stayed, Wynonna would not have let Doc walk out on them. Not that he thought that would ever even be a question.

He's come to love and respect Doc, and as jealous as he may feel at times, he knows that the gunslinger is a good man and deserves to be happy. And Alice couldn't have asked for a better gene pool. Two expert shots, both feisty and confident, he knows that the baby will grow up well. That's why the tears that form the instant he's safe in the darkness of his small living quarters feel rotten and wrong. They aren't just for Alice.

They're for Doc, who will never get to become a proud father, never get to see his little girl grow up and go to school dances, or go on dates, or get married. He'll never see his grandkids, should Alice choose to be a mother. He won't get to be a part of his little girl's life.

They're for Waverly and Nicole, who absolutely would've spoiled Alice rotten. Waverly would eventually move into Nicole's house and always have always let her niece have a little extra dessert when she would spend the nights with them. Nicole would be a little uncomfortable with Alice at first, just out of fear that she wasn't good enough. But then Alice would call her "Auntie Nicole" for the first time, and she would later cry in Waverley's arms about how much she loved her niece.

They're for Jeremy, who'd never really been open about his life before BBD, but who would love Alice like a sibling and teach her all kinds of weird tricks and facts. He'd buy her a microscope for Christmas and they would investigate bugs together in the evenings, taking the time to observe every one that crawled by.

They're for Wynonna, both her loss and his own, because he knows that he probably won't get the girl in the end. Which sounds ridiculous when he thinks about it- Crying over a girl. But Wynonna is no girl. She's someone who reached inside his chest, grabbed his heart, and squeezed so hard that he feels it might still burst at any moment.

But they're not for Dolls himself, because he doesn't feel he deserves it. He doesn't have that connection to Alice, and crying over something else right now would be wrong. So as the tears fall, all he can do is convince himself that they are for everybody else, and pretend that his own heart doesn't break at the thought of the baby girl he'll never get to meet.

* * *

_I hope you dance... I hope you dance. Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along. Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone._

Jeremy spends hours pacing back and forth in the BBD section at the sheriff's department, if only to keep himself busy. He spends his time thinking of possible ways that they could keep Alice in Purgatory, but they all come up short, and he knows perfectly well why.

There is not a single day where the infant's life wouldn't be in danger, even after Bullshar was defeated or the Earp curse is broken. Because the Ghost River Triangle is a minefield, a magnet for evil. There wouldn't be a time when someone or everyone wasn't worried over her wellbeing, and her life would be full of hiding in fear. Even if they someday managed to leave, it wouldn't be the same. They'd be here long enough to impact her life.

Still, the idea of helping raise a baby was one that Jeremy had been looking forward too. He's not sure what kind of career he might want when they someday do get to leave Purgatory, but he knows it's something with kids. Maybe he would go into pediatrics and be a nurse. He's sure that he'd be good at it, and he would do his best to make the kids feel at ease when visiting.

He doesn't meet Alice- She's out of the town before he gets the chance, but he knows she was beautiful. And he can't help but shed tears at that. His life before he'd joined Black Badge hadn't been an easy one.

It hadn't been horrible, but it certainly wasn't ideal. His parents were catholic and conservative, so having a gay son wasn't exactly in their agenda. But he was open about his sexuality anyway, coming out when he turned 13 and explaining that he'd known for awhile. They didn't disown him, not directly, but rather ignored him all together. They simply no longer cared.

They didn't congratulate him on his 4.0 GPA every year, or stop his brothers from teasing him about being a fairy. They would get physical occasionally, never enough to cause serious harm, but it hurt all the same. Black Badge didn't appreciate him nearly as much as Dolls and the gang did, but at the time it was better than nothing. And now living without the family he'd become a part of felt impossible.

Seeing them in pain only made the loss worse. He'd never seen Wynonna cry, and there was a part of him that had previously believed it to be impossible. Not because she was heartless, but well... She was Wynonna. She was rough around the edges and always had her stone face, but he watched her sob as he arrived back in the center of town, watched her break down and tears streak down her face.

The sheer sight of it is enough to bring him to a sitting position on the ground, and he doesn't try to hold back his own tears, but he does at least try to be quiet about them. This moment is about Wynonna, not him, and he's sure that what she needs isn't to see everyone around her breaking down. So when he manages to get control of himself, he stands and wraps an arm around her waist, standing on the opposite side Dolls does. She looks at him appreciatively and he simply nods, not needing her to speak to get the message.

They stand there staring out into the sky, and when Jeremy looks at Wynonna, he is sure he sees her staring out after the shape of a helicopter in the distance.

* * *

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance..._

Waverly doesn't try to hold it together as she lays on Nicole's bed with her. She has her face buried in the officer's shoulder, sobs wracking over her body as she clings to the sheets like she might float away if she doesn't hold on tight enough. Nicole, for her part, is also crying, though she's trying her best to stay strong. But of course Waverly notices this, and it shifts to her comforting Nicole instead, until her own tears get the better of her and she breaks down again.

That's the circle of their relationship. They comfort one another- One stays strong until they collapse, and the other is always there to catch them and keep them on their feet.

Waverly has never felt such loss as she watches the helicopter take off. Well, she has once, when she though Nicole was dying. And of course they both know this, both know there are things to talk about and problems to face, but it's not the time. The little girl they would have helped raise is gone.

Waverly knows that she would always be the one to let Alice push the limits far beyond what she should. She would let her niece stay up late, eating junk food, drinking soda, and watching fast paced action movies that are definitely too mature for her. It's contrary to how she lives her own life, but the instant she laid eyes on Alice she was well aware that the baby girl would only have to smile to get anything she ever wanted.

Nicole would be the same way, if not even more so. She would drive Alice to school in the cruiser, sirens blaring in a full police escort. And she would of course hear about it from Nedley, probably receiving an extra day or two of paperwork for the stunt, but she wouldn't mind because she knows that her boss would never fire her and Alice is worth it.

She had worried that she wouldn't feel welcome when the baby arrived, that she would be the third wheel or that she wouldn't feel the same connection to her that Waverly already did. But the moment she laid eyes on Alice, she felt her heart burst and though she would deny it to her grave, she'd shed a few tears at the sheer beauty of the infant. And the moment that feeling of love had ended, a new feeling of dread took its place, because suddenly she was mortified that she would never get those opportunities.

She would never get to watch Waverly fawn over Alice in her crib and smile at the thought that they'd have their own children some day, or help her girlfriend throw extravagant birthday parties with way too expensive presents, or show her around the police station and give her advice about standing up for what she believed in even when people doubted her.

And it was these thoughts that would always break down Nicole's walls, which in response meant it was Waverly's turn to be strong. Of course they knew it was the only way that Alice would ever be safe, and the would never intentionally let her be in harms way. And sure, it may have been selfish for them to want her to stay, but there was no denying that they wanted nothing more than to keep the little girl in their lives.

There were bags of newly bought, gender-neutral baby clothes in Waverly's closet that she had kept as a surprise. She'd taken Nicole with her shopping one afternoon and they had spent hours playfully disagreeing over which colors and outfits Wynonna would approve of. They bought toys, story books, blankets, diapers, and they even looked online at IKEA cribs. That was the only brand Nicole would trust.

They had thought over designs to bring up with Wynonna for a nursery, even roughly sketching a few of their best ones out. Some were themed more like paintings. An empty meadow with a bright blue sky and a distant picture of the homestead, or an aquarium style room with painted on fish and marine life. Others had been pattern focused- Cats or bees or donuts (Which had started as a joke between the two but eventually was decided to be used back up in case Wynonna disapproved of all others.)

But now it was all for nothing. All the planning and preparing was ultimately useless, and still, they couldn't bring themselves to give the ideas up, or pitch the clothes and toys, or cancel the crib order. It hadn't yet sunk in that it was really over, that Alice was really out of their lives.

In a perfect world, they'd have found another way. They would somehow keep her safe even within the confines of Purgatory, and they'd make sure that no one could ever endanger her life.

But they knew that wasn't how things worked, so instead they laid together in Nicole's bed, holding each other close as they cried and kissed and whispered reassuring nothings against the other's skin. It wasn't enough to numb the pain of the loss, but it was enough to get them through the night.

* * *

_Dance... I hope you dance. I hope you dance... I hope you dance. I hope you dance... I hope you dance... Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along. Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone._

Wynonna commits the date of Alice's birth to memory. She's never been good with dates, mostly because she always looked at it in the sense that they were all going to die someday, so why did it matter the day it would happen?

But everything is different the moment a piercing cry cuts through the air inside Shorty's, and a feeling of love unlike anything she has ever experienced washes over her like a tidal wave. She can't help but weep over the bundle that's placed in her arms, a tiny baby girl whose eyes are still closed. Her fears are quelled immediately, and for just a moment that is over far too quickly, she forgets the rest of the world outside the small bubble of space they take up even exists.

She marvels at the size of her daughter, barely six pounds and small enough to cradle against her chest. Her hands are so delicate and soft that Wynonna has to repeatedly convince herself that she's real, she's not a baby doll or a toy, she's a real living person.

She still recalls the nightmares she's had about birth, and the horrid visions of having to actually raise a child. Of course it helps knowing she has a firm support system behind her, but she's never been good at handling responsibility, and she knows she can't count on them for everything. But the moment she lays eyes on Alice, she has trouble remembering why she was ever scared in the first place, and she realizes that she's never wanted anything more than to hold her baby girl close and never let go.

But, eventually, she has to, and she knows it. She reluctantly hands Alice to Waverly, her chest burning and her eyes watering as she does so. She knows there's work to be done and she does it, but her daughter is the only thing that's on her mind as Peacemaker fires rapidly into multiple demonic skulls.

It's when the helicopter flies over her head that it really starts to sink in. Her baby girl is gone, in the care of her aunt, unaware of who she is or where she came from. She can't even explain how nauseous the feeling is, how sick she is inside as she watches the most important thing in her life disappear. She's used to losing the things she loves. It's happened enough times. But this is different, and it's so much worse.

She sees Alice every time she closes her eyes. She knows it's for the best, and she has to smile at the thought that at least her daughter will live an easy life. She thinks over all the hopes and dreams she has for the baby, all the things she'll never get to experience.

Wynonna is sure Gus will have her hands full, and that her baby girl will absolutely not be a cuddler. She'll grow into a feisty toddler, who disobeys the rules and giggles as she misbehaves right in front of Gus. As a child, she'll definitely be the most feared girl in the third grade, and rule the playground with an iron first. She'll be even more rebellious as a teenager, and probably run into a bad crowd for awhile, but her heart will remain good natured.

Gus will straighten her out, fuss over her first dance that Alice will be reluctant to attend, cry as she's picked up for her first date. And Gus will of course plan the wedding of the century when the time comes, even though she'll be withered and aged. She'll raise Alice right, give her good advice and teach her the right morals. And Alice will challenge them, but she'll eventually learn to live by them. She'll have a good heart, and she'll always fight for what she believes in.

And Wynonna knows that someday- Maybe not in the near future, maybe not until after they leave Purgatory, maybe not even until after Gus has passed on- But someday, she'll see her daughter again. She'll see a beautiful woman who will of course contradict the memory she has of a baby girl cooing in her arms, but that's all she will be able to see. There will be tears and hugs and lengthy explanations that will make little sense, and it will be the first time that Wynonna will relax since Alice was born.

But, until that day came, all she can do is wait, and hope that Alice will dance.

**Author's Note:**

> Song: I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack


End file.
